the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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