Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
