please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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