Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
