Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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