my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Randomize
