Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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