I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
