I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
