Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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