I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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