I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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