While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
