This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
