Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
