the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
