OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
