So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
