should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
