If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
