I'm passing your future prison.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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