Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
