Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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