you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
