he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
