you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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