It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
