can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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