So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
