After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
