then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
