I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
