I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
