i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
