what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
