people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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