So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
