I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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