I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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