if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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