woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He felt like a one man threesome
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
