made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
