I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
