I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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