living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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