im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
