I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
