LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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