I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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