went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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