I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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