my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
