I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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