return my video game
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
