I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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