Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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